“Jess, I had no idea how rough life has been for you lately…”
This has been the general statement from soul sisters that I’ve been reconnecting with after moving from Las Vegas to Santa Cruz, CA.
And they are right…while my life is filled with SO much love – from deepening relationships with my family, to the gorgeous secret garden-esque 10 acre property I live on, to new instal-soul-sisters in The Bay area, to even reconnecting with a few ex-boyfriends to heal some lingering wounds – even with all this love, life has been tough.
The flood that completely destroyed my condo and left me and my two dogs without our home for 3 months.
Trusting the sign that God said “get the F out of Vegas” and following the path to Santa Cruz.
Letting my dogs go. They told me it was time. But still…I have moments where I long to cuddle them. To smell their fur. To look into their unconditionally loving eyes.
Mourning what feels like the life I built there. 10 years in Vegas. Missing the sisters in my 4-year women’s group. The feminine strength of the women who caught me when I fell. I miss that comfort.
Then there’s the death of my best friend. Witnessing her last breath. Watching love become her, and death transform her. Wishing I could open my phone and text her: “Hey boo.” Because that’s what we used to do.
Okay, it’s been hell. Truly. And I’ve been hiding the pain. Continue reading