4 Surprising Ways to Heal Your Broken Heart

Love is a curious thing.

One moment it can have us so present to our own awareness. We’re tapped in, fully in the moment of what is, and most importantly who we are.  Then the next, we’re completely outside of our body.  Acting from impulse.  Losing sight of what we really want.  Grasping onto the edge of a petal that is so delicate and frail, we should have known it would never serve as a sturdy source of support.

Right now, I’m in the midst of transformation.

Like the caterpillar, after she’s made the great climb, pushed the limits, realized her own ability to power up the tree of life, it’s now time to surrender into the stage of cocooning.

To hang from the branch.
To trust the support.

To fall down, with an inner knowingness that I’ve built a silk rope of love, tied to my root, full of enough strength to catch me when I fall – fall back in love with myself.

Find Power in Pain

That’s the curious thing about love.

When it knocks us off our center, when gravity pulls us down, we’re all discombobulated.  We don’t know which way is up, left, right or sideways.

This is the perfect time to re-center within ourselves.
Within our power.
Within our deep, divine love.

So many times, as busy women, when we’re side-railed by love, it is so overwhelming, so traumatic and so damn painful that we just swallow the pain, like Alice in Wonderland eating the mushroom that shrinks her.

Down, down, down.  We push everything deep down.  And with those suffocated emotions, with that pain, we shrink our power.

Choose to Deal Instead of Do

I’ve done this so many times.

Experiencing deep pain and not knowing what to do with it.

There’s shit to get done.
Work needs me.
Friends need me.
Bills to be paid.
Things to be tended to.

And since we’re SO busy, we choose DOING over DEALING.

It’s easier, right?

This time around, I don’t want to DO.  I don’t want to be processing this pain in the months ahead.  I want to deal with it NOW.

Wrap Yourself in Pain to Find Pleasure

I want to feel every ounce of love’s venom rushing through my veins.
I want to breathe into the memories and breathe out the hatred.
I want to soak in sweet waters and let the salt suck the ache from my toes.
I want to experience the damp texture of my pillow.

When you want to run away from love’s pain, instead, choose to face her head-on.  She has a message.  It’s deep and wide, and it’s a gift.  A gift reminding you that you are alive.  That you are human.  That to feel pain is to also feel joy, because without each of them, neither would exist.

Won’t you dive with me, into the pain?

I realize that I’ve gotten pretty lyrical on you 😉 That’s another beautiful thing about the pain of love.  It moves us to a state of deep feeling, where we are forced to reconcile with our true self…if we allow her to emerge.

In all the lyricism, however, I do want to provide you some practical tips for dealing with deep pain from heartache.

Here’s a few things that I’ve given to myself, to move through the pain, instead of burying it away:

1) Permission to Be

Be lonely, be hungry, be sad, be terrified, be angry, be sick, be livid, be in pain, and even be happy.  I’ve been all of these things lately.  I’m not judging the quick shift in emotions, I’m just allowing whatever wants to express itself to come.

2) Connection with Nature

Nothing helps heal my heart than connecting with mamma Earth.  She was here before us, and she’ll be here long after us.  Soak up her wisdom – the sun, the moon, the trees.  I even allowed myself to take my clothes off (I know!) and wrap myself around a 3,000 year old Bristlecone Pine tree.  It’s what I needed, so I gave that to myself.  I kissed her bark and allowed my heart, belly and breasts to press deeply into her, as tears danced down my face.

Jess & 3,000 year old tree

3) Receive from Sisters

As soon as I needed support, I let all my close friends know.  I didn’t know what I needed, but that was okay.  I just knew I needed SOMETHING.  They called, opened their homes and their hearts and took me in just as I was.  No need for a show.  No need for me to pretend I was just fine.  I could just receive their love, when I was finding it hard to find my own.

4) Delight in Pleasure

When we’re hurting, it’s so easy to push away pleasure because we feel like we shouldn’t allow it in while we’re experiencing such the opposite of what pleasure feels like.  But this simply keeps us stuck.  It is only pushing your pain down – validating it.  Instead, I’ve been delighting in the sway of my own hips in my dance class. The compliments from other men who tell me I’m beautiful as they admire the way I move.  The validation from the Trader Joe’s checker when he tells me, “You should be a poet,” and I know I already am.  The sparkle in my god daughter’s giggle when she sees me.  The comment from my co-worker who makes a point to tell me “I love your Facebook inspiration.” Even, the comment between lovers waiting in line for lunch as he calls her “Bunny.”

Get Curious

Yes, love is a curious thing.  But I would argue that heartbreak is even more curious.

And really, that’s the key to healing your deep wound, my love.

Be curious.
Explore your pain.

Don’t run away like a sprinter after the fire of love’s smoking gun.  Love, and heartbreak, are both marathons.  They are slow, spiritual experiences.  Meant to be savored like a deep glass of bold red wine.  Or the feeling of a soft, sensual blanket on a cold winter night.

Wrap yourself in your pain.  And when you do this, your love, that may feel so forgotten, so angry and cold, will slowly return to you, filling your body with a glow that was even stronger than before.

Let’s promise each other this: I will find bliss in my pain.



What has helped you heal your heart during times of pain?

I would love to hear your answer in the comments section below.  Just login to Facebook.  It’s so easy! 🙂

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