How to have your anger, and eat it too

As a child, anger and I were not friends.
We weren’t even acquaintances.

Get mad?
Scream?
Yell?
Be pissed?

Good people didn’t do these things.
Good people kept everything inside and slapped a smile on their face.

I was good people.

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One of my mom’s favorite phrases was “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

The intention was beautiful – don’t hurt people’s feelings.  But the repercussion was that those feelings you were protecting others from came flying back in your own face, speeding down the cavity of your inner soul and landing somewhere deep and dark.

And, if you’re like me, those buried feelings manifested into stomach pains, or some other sort of bodily ailment.

I was terrified of anger.  It was so much easier to stuff it and move on with my happy life.

That’s what Busy Bold women do, right?  They suck it up and get to steppin’. No time to deal with useless emotions like anger.

Anger is like cake

The other day I was listening to Trey Songz’s song, “Cake.”

Here’s the main chorus:

They say you can’t have cake and eat it too, but ain’t that what you s’posed to do?
Ain’t you s’posed to eat it too?
Ain’t that what you s’posed to do?
Ain’t I s’posed to eat it too?
Cake’s on the menu.

While I detest the message (it’s about cheating), we can learn something about anger from it.

Anger is like cake.
A little can go a long way.
You can have your anger, and eat it too.  Just beware of the consequences.

Here’s the thing with anger, just like cake.  If you don’t fully enjoy the process of consumption – if you don’t really allow those emotions to seep out of you, to kick, scream, cry, get fucking mad…RAGE – you’ll come back wanting more.

You’ll sit down after eating your small piece and you’ll stare at that cake, unsure what it really provided you.  And so, you go back for more because you didn’t appreciate how it tasted the first time.

Anger is like cake. A little can go a long way.

Eat your anger fully

My point is – anger is something to REALLY be eaten fully.  Don’t just dabble in it, skimming the surface of the frosting with your fork.  The REAL emotions are found in the entire bite – frosting, cake and all.

Dive deep.  Enjoy.

On the flip side, beware of how you identify with the cake.  Are you using it to feel good?  Are you tapped into the rush of sugar it provides your body, creating a false sense of reality?

Too much anger – relying on anger, identifying with anger – this is dangerous.

Allow yourself to feel anger

I’m really feeling into my anger lately.  Pulling out those emotions that I’ve stored deep down.

Allowing myself to feel…EVERYTHING.

And yes, it’s scary, but it’s also liberating.  My wild woman warrior wants to come out.  She wants to scream (and I have – sorry neighbors!).  She wants to kick some ass (thank God for Body Combat). And surprisingly, she wants to be my friend.

My hope for you is that when something angers you, you don’t hold back.  When the time is right, and you feel safe in your own home, with friends who love you, let your anger roar.

Make a primal noise. 
Feel the anger. 

Your soul and your body will thank you for not keeping anger hostage but instead, leading her out and setting her free.

Cheering your anger on,
Jess

How have you dealt with anger?

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