How to stop being responsible for everyone else’s problems

“Don’t worry about it.”
“No problem.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I’ve got you.”

Like a fisherman we open our nets to catch the fish.
Hundreds, thousands of what appear like lost souls.
Collecting inside our web of safety.

We dive deep to meet them in the darkness.
Scooping up their slick bodies.
Holding them tightly.
We have rescued!

But, they were never ours to begin with.

If it wasn’t for us, those fish would have swam away.
On their own path of discovery.
Exactly, where they were meant to be.

This is what happens when we claim responsibility for things that are not ours to be responsible for.

We open our net, and we carry the fish – other people’s emotions, problems, situations – which were never ours to claim.

The problem is, this weighs us down, taking both time and energy in our already Busy Bold lives.

It's okay to not be everyone's miracle.

Responsibility: The Temptress

If you’re like me, you’ve assumed responsibility for other people’s problems more times than you can count.

The first to block a friend from danger.
To take the hit when the risk is high.
To assume responsibility.

Just this week, I was tempted to assume responsibility for something that was not mine to own.  I organized a group of women to go to Zion this weekend, and one of the women just learned she is unable to go.

The rescuer in me wanted to protect her.
I wanted to take the hit, assume her share of the cost.
Forgive her for not being able to go and tell her it’s totally fine.
I’ve got this.

Confusing Bold with Mama Bear

As Busy Bold Women, we are used to taking action.  Doing.  We are problem solvers.  We’re creative.  We’re optimistic.  Nothing is too big for us to accomplish.

Yet, we mix up our brave, bold, beautiful qualities, with the need to be everyone’s EVERYTHING.

We make ourselves responsible for other people ish.
And baby, it’s not OURS.

Somewhere, some place and at some time in our lives, we were lifted onto a pedestal when we helped someone, so now, as adult women, it’s as if we take on this extreme mama bear role.

Release Yourself from Responsibility

But I’m telling you sister, the problems you are layering on your back for those you love, the bullets you are taking for their mistakes, the weight of the world you are holding in those strong, capable arms, is not yours to deal with.

And in fact, by you assuming responsibility for your loved one’s problem, you are actually denying them of their right to learn.

Their divine right to discover their own strength.
To pave their own cosmic path.
To fall.
To rise.

After learning my friend was unable to go to Zion this weekend.  I resisted every urge to rob her of her responsibility.  I knew it wasn’t mine to assume.  I didn’t say anything, just provided my presence and my Legit Love for her. And like a beautiful flower meets the morning daylight, she rose up to still honor her financial agreement.

Allow the Lesson

So here’s your challenge: Next time you feel the yearning to step in and block the flow of someone else’s journey – next time you want to open your fisherman’s net and rescue – instead, ask yourself how you can support that person in choosing what is best for them.

Tell yourself: “I am not responsible for them, just myself.  My Legit Love and support is enough.”

Then, sit back and watch the magic of the Universe unfold as they swim away, learning their own lessons and paving their own path.

With this choice, you ARE being responsible for your own Bliss and contributing to theirs!

To freeing ourselves from other peoples’ shizz,
Jess Tomlinson
Lifestyle & Wellness Coach for Busy Bold Women

Learn more about me here!

What has worked for you to stop saving other people from their own mistakes?

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