I’m not okay.

Note: The blog post below has been saved for 14 months…I’m just now making it public. When you’re not okay, it’s important to remember you can keep your process private…but please, sweet one, do share the burden with at least one trusted friend. You aren’t alone. ~ Jess

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I’m on my way back to San Francisco this morning, and while I’m flying back for an all day Goddess Ritual at my coach’s house (which I’m looking forward to)…my entire body is quivering at the thought of returning.

See, I wasn’t ready to share (and I’m still going to spare you the details – at least for now, or maybe forever) but the reason I went from San Diego to L.A. instead of back to San Francisco to be with my boyfriend during this month of #RadiantFreedom is because, well…we’re not together anymore.

I hate even writing that.  But it’s true and I think I need to physically type that to shed yet another layer of pain surrounding the circumstances.

No, I’m not ready to share what happened. (I later shared in this video)
No, I’m not processing it well.
No, this month wasn’t what I intended it to be.

All I know is…I’m. Not. Okay.

I'm not okay

A year ago – August 2014 – I typed those very words into the Private Facebook Group of the women’s circle I lead in Las Vegas.  At that time, my 5 year relationship had ended.  And that’s all I typed…I remember sitting on the toilet, not really able to move, feeling broken and managing to type:

I’m not okay.

There’s a few things to note about those 3 little words…

3 Keys to Asking for Support:

1. The fact that I even asked for support was huge – hell, I’m an independent woman, the oldest daughter, a smart, capable, get-shit-done chick.  Support? What’s that?

2. The fact that I didn’t know what to write, but I spoke my truth.  The truth that I wasn’t okay.  I could have sugar-coated it.  I could have embellished, made it more pretty and more palatable for my sisters, but I didn’t.  I kept it real.

3. The fact that they responded to my cry for help. They reached out.  Via text.  Via phone.  Via hugs, couch cuddles, sobbing wine dates, loving words and non-judgmental listening. I was in shock at their generosity. All I had to do was receive that support.

Ask for support

Just reliving those moments of sisterly love brings tears to my eyes.  And to now find myself in another season in my life, a year later, where I’m longing for support….well, it feels surreal.  And honestly, it makes me angry. 

I haven’t processed everything, but what I do know is this…

I am so incredibly grateful for the beautiful, powerful, fierce feminine women that I am surrounded by. 

One gorgeous goddess came to rescue me from my boyfriend’s home which I was supposed to be at for 30 days (instead it was only 7). Then, she put me up in her home – even though she had a house full of her own family.

Another sensual sister offered her home (more like her sanctuary) to me while she was away.

Another offered her presence and kind words with a phone call, a ride to the airport and then an email acknowledging what I’m feeling.

Another her words of wisdom.
Another her angry protection.
Another her empathetic tears.
Several, their hands, gently rubbing my back and encouraging me to grieve.

I could go on and on and on.

My point here is to shed a light on the importance of first and foremost, acknowledging that you are not okay, then accepting that you need help and asking for it and finally, opening up yourself to receive that support.

Whether you are in a season of your life where things are flowing smoothly, or, you’re in a dark dungeon, trapped inside your heart and mind – either way…we all have moments where we need support.

My deepest wish is that you take from this the inspiration, the permission and the courage to reach out so that you aren’t alone. 

I love you. The world loves you.  And people – whether you know it or not – are ready to catch you in their tender arms.

Where do you need support in your life right now?

I would love to hear from you in the comments 🙂 Don’t worry…your shares are safe here!

To Your Radiance,

jess e-sig

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Watch my video: 3 Lessons to Lessen the Break from Heartbreak as I dive into the gifts I received from this breakup a year later.

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If your heart is hurting, getting reconnected with your Feminine Power can help it heal. Take the free quiz to see which of the Feminine Power Archetypes YOU are! > Take the quiz now!

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