The real reason we suffer prolonged heartbreak

You’ve probably experienced it. Your body frozen. Or completely shaking. Emotions numb. Or firework explosive. Aching in your chest. Pain in your heart. Stomach nauseas. The list goes on.

This is the aftermath of a woman who opened her tender heart to love. Enough to be broken.

This is a BEAUTIFUL thing. It means you took the risk to love, unlike so many people who continue to stay lonely…longing to experience love.

And yet…why does the suffering continue? Days. Months. Years. DECADES after the relationship has ended.

Why does your heart still sting at the sound of his name?
Why does your stomach still twinge when his face flashes through your mind?

We tend to believe that we feel massive grief and pain – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually – for months or years after a relationship ends because we loved them SO much.

But the truth is…we experience prolonged pain after heartbreak because we are mourning the loss of parts of OURSELVES that we left behind in the relationship.

Here’s what I mean…

I was in a relationship with a tall, dark and handsome doctor. It was a “nice” relationship. We never fought. Bonded over our love for wine and food and cozy nights cuddling and watching TV. And yet, I found myself craving adventure and play…but still choosing our “nice” life. Christmas came after our 3rd year together. And he decided not to show up. I was left alone with my family feeling ashamed, unlovable and confused. I didn’t come out of my room for 3 days…and those 3 days continued on for months of depression after the holidays. What I later realized through the support of my mentor was I wasn’t just grieving the loss of our relationship, I was grieving the loss of pieces of me that I had left behind. I didn’t actually want a “nice” relationship – but I had fallen into the “nice girl” who I thought I should be. This added an extra, painful layer to my prolonged heartbreak.

Prolonged heartbreak is a result of grieving the death of who we thought we were supposed to be in relationship. prolonged-heartbreak

See, most women have been taught that it’s not 100% safe to fully be themselves, even when they are in a loving relationship.

We tend to hide parts of our true self, abandoning our playful, fierce or sexy sides, for example, out of fear that our partners will not love those parts of us.

And yet, it’s this very thing – slowly hiding or changing who we really are during the relationship – that causes the major, deeply prolonged pain long after the partnership has ended.

After I experienced the pain of losing the doctor, and mourning the loss of who I thought I was, I hired a coach. She helped me fully own the parts of myself that I had left behind in the relationship. And I developed the tools to feel safe enough to be 100% myself…no matter what!

Now, I’ve still been through a few heartbreaks after the doctor…but there is an extreme difference. My pain is not prolonged. Yes, I still feel the sting in my heart and collapsing of my tummy. Heartbreak hurts. But I move through it SO much quicker now that I’m not sacrificing who I am in relationship.

My biggest wish for you is that you own ALL parts of you…starting today…so that you can heal from your heartbreak and never have to mourn the loss of yourself again.

Curious how you can begin reclaiming parts of you that you may have left behind in previous relationships?

My recommendation is to take the Feminine Power Archetype quiz.

Discover if you are the Playful Child, Radiant Rebel or Sexy Feminine archetype. If your dominant archetype is the Playful Child, for example, chances are that you have probably denied parts of your fierce feminine (Radiant Rebel) and softness/sexiness (Sexy Feminine) in previous relationships.

Or, sometimes your Feminine Power Archetype reveals the very part of you that is being denied (it’s simply revealed in this quiz because you have felt safe enough to answer the questions honestly).

Only you know the truth of what parts of your true self you are denying or have denied in previous relationships. Use your intuition.

The most important thing to ask yourself is:

What parts of me have I left behind that have been contributing to my heartbreak? And how can I fully own those parts of myself by giving myself permission to reclaim who I REALLY am?

Now it’s your turn…I would love to hear from you in the comments 🙂

Which part of yourself have you sacrificed the most in previous relationships? Your Playful, Fierce or Sexy?

Here’s to owning your feminine power and healing your big, beautiful loving heart!

To Your Radiance,

jess e-sig


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